Endings

I've not posted in a long time because Sir and I have parted. It's been very difficult for me.  It's been two years and he is still in my head every day.

I don't understand it and I don't know how to make it stop. When we were together we shared everything, our hopes and dreams, our favorite things to do.  So now there is nothing I do that doesn't contain a memory of him.

I've done everything I can think of to purge him out of my mind and heart but nothing works. I dream of him, my first thoughts when I wake up are of him. I read a story, watch a movie, even the simple act of enjoying a meal brings his memory back. I'll see something on-line and think he or one of his children would like that or I bought that for him.

Since we parted I haven't had sex, it's been two years now. I've tried playing with others and my fucking brain and heart always think of him.

I received a facebook update and see he has moved on, it appears he has invited someone else to live with him and share his life.

The only contact I've had with him was him inquiring about the floggers I had specially made so that he could use them on me. That sonofabitch wanted them for his new partner!

I get vivid images of scenes and play at odd times of the day. I swear he's doing it. Of course I have no idea if he is but how else can I explain this happening to me?  I'll be reading a book or watching a movie and then WHAM I get hit with this sexual fantasy.

I know I'm all over the place in this post jumping topics but I'm hoping writing this out might help so forgive me my wanderings.

I wear a bracelet now that is the same chain link as the collar he put on me once. I wear it to remind me to never give myself so completely to another soul.

He swore to me he loved me and would never hurt me, he made so many promises and made so many assurances that I believed him and gave him everything. I have to wonder know was it all lies? What it some sort of game he played with me? How could I have been so wrong, so foolish? and why the hell can't I get him out of my mind!?!?

I'm sorry I haven't been writing Sir, the last couple of months have been difficult. Work has kept you so busy, when I was last there I stole one of your shirts.  I keep it in a plastic bag so the smell of you doesn't fade away.  When the separation gets too hard I take it out and wrap it around my neck and breathe your in, I it along my cheek as if you are caressing me.

I really enjoyed talking with you last weekend, it seems like our time together keeps shrinking.  We haven't been together for over a month now.  It seems we are either feast or famine.  The last time we were together, you took me in the bath, the living room, the kitchen, the stairs, the pool and eventually the bed.  I still smirk a little that we had to stop and relocate at one point because a boat was coming by outside your balcony window.  Now almost six weeks later I can honestly say I am going through withdrawals, if it wasn't for your shirt and our phone conversation, I might have gone a little out of my mind.

Hoping we get to see each other this weekend before you leave town for the holidays.

Always yours Sir

Sleeping

I'm sorry I slept too deeply this morning and missed your text.  You've been working so hard and I missed our chance to talk.  I'm so upset with myself for missing your text and our chance to talk.

Love you Sir

Missed you a lot today

I kept myself very busy today, I know we were suppose to go to the Renaissance Festival's Chocolate and Wine this weekend.  It is always hard when I remember all the things we had planned and they just keep slipping by not done.  We were also suppose to go to France this month, wander the countryside, watch the world go by as we drank coffee.

I went shopping and saw some very sexy lingerie, I was so tempted to buy it, so I could wear it for you.  I stopped myself, I got a little over-whelmed at the reminder that I don't know when I'll see you again.  Then I tried on this very pretty blouse and as I looked in the mirror my first thought was I can't wait to wear this for you.  I stood their in front of the mirror and cried.  I'm so very tired Sir, I am trying to be strong.

Sometimes I think I can feel you near me, whispering in my ear, holding me tight.  I long for the times when you would take a fist full of my hair and turn my head so you could mark me with your teeth and tongue, when you held me down to take me from behind and made me cum like I never have before.  The feel of you marking my back and cumming inside me. 

I woke up the other day from a dream of you holding me so tightly and telling me you were back now and you'd never let me go.  I woke up and my heart felt shredded at the sense of loss.  Sometimes my heart feels so heavy even breathing seems difficult.

Please hurry, I miss you and your family.  I have things for you and your family , I've been keeping them safe until we are together again.

Love you Sir

Why?

I am starting this blog in part for me and part for my Sir.  My Sir is my soul mate, I love him to the depths of my soul.  I submit to him and I would give him anything he asked for.  We have loved and laughed together he has taken care of me when I was in need.  He allowed me to wear his collar and sit at his feet.  We/ve shared dreams, made plans.  I found peace while serving him.

We are both sensual people., something happens when we touch, it's a wonderful feeling that flows back and forth between us.  It's addictive, making it hard for us to part from each other with just one kiss.

Life has suddenly interfered and he is unavailable.

I am writing this for him, because I cannot tell him these things while he is unavailable.  This separation is very difficult for me and I just wanted to share what's happening with me.