Endings

I've not posted in a long time because Sir and I have parted. It's been very difficult for me.  It's been two years and he is still in my head every day.

I don't understand it and I don't know how to make it stop. When we were together we shared everything, our hopes and dreams, our favorite things to do.  So now there is nothing I do that doesn't contain a memory of him.

I've done everything I can think of to purge him out of my mind and heart but nothing works. I dream of him, my first thoughts when I wake up are of him. I read a story, watch a movie, even the simple act of enjoying a meal brings his memory back. I'll see something on-line and think he or one of his children would like that or I bought that for him.

Since we parted I haven't had sex, it's been two years now. I've tried playing with others and my fucking brain and heart always think of him.

I received a facebook update and see he has moved on, it appears he has invited someone else to live with him and share his life.

The only contact I've had with him was him inquiring about the floggers I had specially made so that he could use them on me. That sonofabitch wanted them for his new partner!

I get vivid images of scenes and play at odd times of the day. I swear he's doing it. Of course I have no idea if he is but how else can I explain this happening to me?  I'll be reading a book or watching a movie and then WHAM I get hit with this sexual fantasy.

I know I'm all over the place in this post jumping topics but I'm hoping writing this out might help so forgive me my wanderings.

I wear a bracelet now that is the same chain link as the collar he put on me once. I wear it to remind me to never give myself so completely to another soul.

He swore to me he loved me and would never hurt me, he made so many promises and made so many assurances that I believed him and gave him everything. I have to wonder know was it all lies? What it some sort of game he played with me? How could I have been so wrong, so foolish? and why the hell can't I get him out of my mind!?!?